# Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler



## wjjones (May 28, 2010)

December 8 6:00 PM 

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down 
from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So 
romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9 

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
sight! Can there be a more lovely place in 
the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've 
ever had! 
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a
boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered 
up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got 
to shovel again. What a perfect life! 

December 12 

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-
we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on 
Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much 
snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see
snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such
a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14 

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The
temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything
sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed 
up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is 
the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and
buried everything again. I didn't 
realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish 
I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2
extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants 
a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think 
that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in
the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The
wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very 
cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to
pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but 
stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I 
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to
her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own livingroom.

December 20

Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of
the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all
day. The damn snowplow came by twice. 
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said 
they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're
lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have 
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob 
says I have to shovel or the city will have it done
and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22 

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white [censored] fell today, and it's so cold,
it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes 
to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I
had to pee. By the time I got undressed, pee'd and
dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to 
hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of 
the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the
ass is lying.

December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house
this morning. What is she, nuts?!! 
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She 
says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24

6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke
the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I
ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow 
plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and 
beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he
hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 
miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just 
been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
carols with her and open our presents, but I was too
busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25 

Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn
slop tonight - Snowed in 
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate 
the snow! 
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation 
and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife
says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking
idiot. If I have to watch 'It's A Wonderful Life' one 
more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26 

Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It
was all HER idea. 
She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes freeze;
plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he
only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in.. The BITCH is
driving me crazy!!!

December 29 

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever
heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now
he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the
beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the 
broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to
her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.

December 31 

I set fire to what's left of the house. No more
shoveling.

January 8

Feel so good. I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

I thought everyone would enjoy this, try not to pee your pants.


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## Hoodoo Valley (Nov 14, 2006)

I'll be sure to steer clear of Lebanon, and stay in the tranquil hills of North Idaho! Great read! Be weary of the voices in your head, telling you to stay home and clean the guns!:lmao:


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## GreenFlyer (Feb 4, 2010)

Too funny!!!


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## tractorJohn (Sep 18, 2010)

Ready for another season of snow?


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## ErnieS (Jun 1, 2011)

I saw one snow flake here last winter. I almost moved back to Florida.


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## Thomas (Nov 1, 2006)

Today..plow frame install in bucket,side walk walk boards are made,chimney clean...list getting shorter before the snow banks get taller.


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## jhngardner367 (Apr 5, 2011)

It's ironic that,as youngsters,we would nearly have to be dragged into the house,in winter.NOW we have to be dragged OUT of the house,in winter!


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## wjjones (May 28, 2010)

jhngardner367 said:


> It's ironic that,as youngsters,we would nearly have to be dragged into the house,in winter.NOW we have to be dragged OUT of the house,in winter!



Yep thats exactly right....:lmao:......


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## wjjones (May 28, 2010)

I counted 7 heavy fogs in August too.. Anyone ever hear of this kind of winter weather predicting?


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## Thomas (Nov 1, 2006)

"I counted 7 heavy fogs in August too.. Anyone ever hear of this kind of winter weather predicting? "

Southern states couple good dusting w/frozen water limbs new year until birds flew north.

Mid states..well I shock than roll acorns three timeshave plenty fuel coffee,donuts etc. on hand..sticky wet blowing mostly.

North/Northeast..check the wool bears mostly brown,mild as summer breeze thru pines for us.

PS...Subject to change w/out notice.


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## wjjones (May 28, 2010)

The way I have heard for many years is however many heavy fogs, or fogs in general you get in August is the amount of accumulating snows you will get for the winter..


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## wjjones (May 28, 2010)

Thomas said:


> "I counted 7 heavy fogs in August too.. Anyone ever hear of this kind of winter weather predicting? "
> 
> Southern states couple good dusting w/frozen water limbs new year until birds flew north.
> 
> ...



Its been kinda quite as far as bad weather here so far..


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## Thomas (Nov 1, 2006)

Were headed for couple days of mild weather..40's,could this be the quite before the storm.


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