# Mutant Neighbors picked all my peaches



## bontai Joe (Sep 16, 2003)

My inbred, rat faced, mule brained, spam sucking trailer trash, mutant neighbors took all my peaches. ALL of them! It was the first real crop since I planted the trees 5 years ago, and my family was so looking forward to enjoying a peach pie from our own trees. I'd like to shoot them but it's been a few hundred years since that was allowed. I try to be a good Christian and believe in forgiveness, but I seem to be having to forgive these trolls every day for something. If I could afford to move, I would, but for the forseeable future I'm stuck here. Sorry for venting , but maybe those of you with cooler, clearer heads can offer some suggestions besides the mindless revenge filled violence that keeps popping in my head. :argh: :argh:


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## Live Oak (Dec 22, 2003)

Joe, if you saw them do it or have solid proof that they did it; call the sheriff and swear out a warrant for trespassing and theft. I am sure the headache, cost, and hastle it will cause them will serve as a future reminder to stay off your property and save you from shooting them.


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## guest (Sep 16, 2003)

wow what an a-hole.. you grow the tree and take care of it and they pull ALL the peaches? i can see asking you to try one but all of them.. serious.. i know you cant shoot them but how about a nice rotwieller or doberman....

to keep their white trash asses where they belong..

is this the drug dealing neighbors? time for a digital camera im sure the sherrif might appreciate some captured drug footage...


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## Chris (Sep 15, 2003)

WHAT?!?!?! 

That is why I have 4 German Shepards. I call it crowd control.
I cannot believe the nerve. He probably figured that you weren't going to do anything about it. What proof do you have that he stole your peaches? I would follow Chief's advice and put an end to this difficult neighborly problem right away with the involvement of the authorities. While taking a couple peaches isn't going to cause any real problems (with permission) this guy needs to have a stout can of Whoop A$$ opened upon him for this ridiculous behaviour. Did you bring this issue to his attention yet? What are your plans? 

Keep us posted.
Andy


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## jodyand (Sep 16, 2003)

I'm with sj get a mean ass dog and next year tie him to the tree.


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## Durwood (Sep 16, 2003)

Shoot out their windows when they're not home! Nobody could prove it was you and maybe they'll get the message. Just a thought. I'll probably come up with something better later on.


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## guest (Sep 16, 2003)

> _Originally posted by jodyand _
> *I'm with sj get a mean ass dog and next year tie him to the tree. *


Jody, the dog or the neighbor?
:furious: :furious:


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## bontai Joe (Sep 16, 2003)

I've tried to deal with them before with absolutly no success. My other good neighbors have tried as well. The police have been there many times for many things for several of the family mambers, and yet it goes on. I don't have direct proof that it was them, but since I live on a remote dead end road, there aren't many errant passersby to see the tree. The video camera sounds like a possible idea, the motion sensing water sprinkler mentioned in the deer repellant thread has some merit as well. I moved here to get away from the need for high powered spot lights shining all night in the yard, and chain link fencing, but that may be what it will take.


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## DeereBob (Sep 16, 2003)

BJ,
Spray the peaches next year on one of the trees with cyanide and see if any of your neighbors croak! If so, then you know which one stole your peaches and you can claim they must have eating the pit which contain it!!


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## bontai Joe (Sep 16, 2003)

Deerebob,
You think like I do...


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## guest (Sep 16, 2003)

> _Originally posted by bontai Joe _
> *Deerebob,
> You think like I do... *


jeez Bob.. Im glad we are neighbors... :furious: :furious:


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## Chris (Sep 15, 2003)

> _Originally posted by DeereBob _
> *BJ,
> Spray the peaches next year on one of the trees with cyanide and see if any of your neighbors croak! If so, then you know which one stole your peaches and you can claim they must have eating the pit which contain it!! *


HAHAHAHA ----  Good one!!! :furious:

Attend any block parties lately, DeereBob?


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## DeereBob (Sep 16, 2003)

> _Originally posted by admin _
> *HAHAHAHA ----  Good one!!! :furious:
> 
> Attend any block parties lately, DeereBob? *


No, but you are all welcome to come over and drink some of my Kool Aid:skullmad:


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## Chris (Sep 15, 2003)

Ok, Jim Jones I will be right over.


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## tisenberg (Sep 20, 2003)

Sorry to put it this way, but I would knock on their door and say...

"I noticed someone stole all the peaches from my trees. My wife/kid/daugther/anotherNeighbor/etc told me that it was you. I just wanted to see if there might be any confusion on who's tree's they are"? Or something along those lines.

- So, if you don't confront them, it will happen again.
- If you call the police, you will have a very pissed off neighbor which in some cases... who cares, but that can be a bigger problem.
- If you confront them, it might wake them up enough that they start to show you some *basic* respect... not complete, but at least a little more than you are getting now.
- I don't know the situation, but there are weird cases where it might have been an accident (confused on who's trees they are), a rouge kid and the parents may want to know, or, or, or.

BTW, it's easy to give this kind of opinion hundreds of miles away LOLL


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## Chris (Sep 15, 2003)

I would go over with you for "support" if I lived closer, Joe.


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## GreenMtnMan (Jan 9, 2004)

Just a hypothesis here. Where we live people are always setting up roadside fruit stands to make some extra bucks. Are these mutants selling your peaches for profit? You could follow them to see if they are, and then confront them. Heck, you could even buy some of your peaches back and then tell them you're gonna have 'em DNA tested to see if they're yours!


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## bontai Joe (Sep 16, 2003)

I don't think there would be much confusion as to whose trees these are as the neighbor lives across the street, and the trees are in front of my house on my side of the street. My Filipina wife could have spit nails, she was so angry. In her culture, stealing food is just below murder and rape. Her village is made of folks that eat what they grow, and will share what little they have if asked, but don't tolerate not being asked real well, since that food gathered at harvest has to last until next harvest. If you remember I mentioned wanting to shoot the neighbors, my wife had a slower more painful death in mind. She and I planted our little 10 tree orchard 5 years ago and have been patiently waiting for the first big harvest. If it was deer or raccoons, there would be some fruit left, and it wouldn't have all disappeared in one night, and there would be pits and pieces on the ground. Since they have stolen before (not from me) in the neighborhood and been caught in the act, plus committed act of vandalism, againcaught in the act, I gotta figure it's them. There is Ma and Pa and 4 teenage spawn aged 20, 18, 17 and 14. The 2 oldest are male and the younger ones are female. The youngest girl when she was 11 years old was dating a 19 year old. The 18 year old boy was caught with a 13 year old girl last year and was arrested, but it got plead down to a fine and community service. The oldest boy has stolen a car and got away with it. Ma and Pa don't work, they both collect a medical disability. These are the kind of folks that made Jerry Springer famous.


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## guest (Sep 16, 2003)

joe they picked all the fruit off of 10 trees? that would have to take some balls... how many peaches are you talking? hundreds? that would have taken some time too... but unless you had a herd of animals.. i dont know if they'd pick 10 trees clean...

just seems that picking 10 trees clean on the front of your house is pretty 'daring'


good luck with the bastards.. 

something for us to be thankful for... 
we dont live on joe's street... 

somethnig for us all to be pissed about...
we all are paying all of their way through life.....


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## bontai Joe (Sep 16, 2003)

Opps! My little orchard is 10 dwarf trees but only 3 are peaches, 3 apples, 3 pears and a cherry tree. And yep 3 trees picked clean, probably a big basket full.


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## guest2 (Dec 27, 2003)

Joe
You could tell them that the fruit was sprayed with poison because you're tired of people stealing your things. A slow acting poison with no known antedote! If they show a little fear, you know you got them! Describe the symptoms as normal everyday things that they are probably feeling already, such as sweats, nausea, dizziness, etc......


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## Chris (Sep 15, 2003)

Oh, Jerry should come a calling to your neighbors. "Why it is cool to date an 11yr old girl" is the title of the next show. Man o man,
I am so sorry about your situation Joe. I truly wish I could help.
Where is John-In-GA, does he have any peaches. Tell you what,
if John can locate some peaches, I will pay for them and to have them shipped to you for your wife. How about it, John you have any GA peaches around?

Might have to think about a dog or electric fence? 
Best wishes, Joe.

Andy


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## farmallmaniac (Feb 16, 2004)

hide by the trees with a taser that will get there attention


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## Chris (Sep 15, 2003)

> _Originally posted by sixchows _
> *Joe
> You could tell them that the fruit was sprayed with poison because you're tired of people stealing your things. A slow acting poison with no known antedote! If they show a little fear, you know you got them! Describe the symptoms as normal everyday things that they are probably feeling already, such as sweats, nausea, dizziness, etc...... *


Tell em you are making Candy Peaches and dip them in antifreeze next time and invite them over for a neighborhood watch meeting and watch them start squirming on the floor. HAHAHA

:furious: :furious: :furious: :furious: :furious:


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## Chris (Sep 15, 2003)

I got a good idea, Joe. 

Hang some fake wax or foam peaches up there and then wait and video tape them and have a < insert weapon of choice here >
handy for your own self-defense. 

HAHAHA --- That sounds like a good plan to me.

Andy


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## Live Oak (Dec 22, 2003)

Joe, call the sheriff and file the warrant. It will send the message. They will have to post some type of bail and appear before a magistrate. Will REALLY complicate their lives. Tuba had a good idea. Might be even better to try that first. If they admit to taking them; read them the riot act and send them a bill or better yet; if you have the time, take them to small claims court. Again, this will tremendously complicate their lives. Do NOT under ANY circumstances take ANY physical action against them or make ANY threats. This can work against you terribly.


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## bontai Joe (Sep 16, 2003)

Yep Chief, you are 100 % right. I couldn't do it anyway, but I can entertain the idea of revenge for a while. This was one of the few times I got as angry as my wife. We were watching those peaches every day and just waiting for the perfect time to pick and we were so happy that this was the first year to get more than a couple. Now I gotta go and buy them from the guy near our church. His stuff is very good, but ours were gonna be ... well , you know... OURS!


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## Chris (Sep 15, 2003)

Something a little batch of Chippy's little candlesticks couldn't fix real quick. 

HAHAHAHA


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## bontai Joe (Sep 16, 2003)

Thanks to all of you for being able to get me to smile about all of this. Humor can defuse a lot of pent up anger/aggression and that is what I needed today. I'm thinking I'm gonna setup a motion senser to trip the video camera for when the apples get ready. That way I'll have hard evidence as to what really happened.


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## guest2 (Dec 27, 2003)

> _Originally posted by admin _
> *Something a little batch of Chippy's little candlesticks couldn't fix real quick.
> 
> HAHAHAHA
> ...


Yeah, I'll bet Chip has a simple solution! Something along the lines of a deep smoking crater where their house used to be!


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## guest (Sep 16, 2003)

> _Originally posted by admin _
> *Something a little batch of Chippy's little candlesticks couldn't fix real quick.
> 
> HAHAHAHA
> ...


thats exactly what i was thinking... 

tough situation.. if you bring them to court or call the authorities.. they will probably make your and your families lifes miserable

no good solution.. maybe you could ask them if they saw any sorts of animals at your trees and see their reaction.. either way.. you guys are out a bushel of home grown.. long awaited peaches...


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## Live Oak (Dec 22, 2003)

> _Originally posted by simple_john _
> *thats exactly what i was thinking...
> 
> tough situation.. if you bring them to court or call the authorities.. they will probably make your and your families lifes miserable
> ...


That is one way to look at it and most probably is the path of least resistance and trouble. Speaking for myself..........that path is just not in my DNA nor any fiber of my being. I refuse to let ANYONE intimidate me. My feeling is that if you don't nip this in the bud; it will constantly be a source of irritation until you take care of the problem. But that is just me.


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## guest (Sep 16, 2003)

true chief.. but if those a-holes have kids 20 & 18.. really theres no telling what they might do... especially white trash like that... 

its an F-ed up world we live in.. they just brutally killed some folks in florida over an X-box game... its a sick world.. im all for revenge.. but sometimes... you cant do it... especially with a wife and family to consider...


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## Live Oak (Dec 22, 2003)

Been there done that and got the T-shirt as well as the sweat pants and baseball cap. When I took the entire group to court the judge took my side and gave me the choice of filing felony assault, assault with a firearm, and a laundry list of other charges. I said I just wanted the shooting to stop. It was going to stop one way or another. It stopped and I never heard another peep out of the maggots. When it comes to the safety of my family; I strongly believe in pre-emtive action.


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## guest (Sep 16, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Chief _
> *Been there done that and got the T-shirt as well as the sweat pants and baseball cap. *



never heard that... good line..


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## Live Oak (Dec 22, 2003)

The point I was trying to make is that it is definitely no fun being shot at. You are so right about the police. The sheriff just said there was not much he could do about it unless he saw it and did not want to get involved. With that lazy ass reply I promptly issued my warning to the sheriff to keep his deputys back out of the way when the fire fight started. My children played in the yard and area these idiots were shooting into on MY property. I told him that I was not about to wait for tragedy to come. He got involved at that point and the entire thing went before the judge. Had I not stood my ground; things might have taken another course.


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## guest (Sep 16, 2003)

arent neighbors great... nice.. bullets shot into your yard.. 

well one good thing.. you wont have to deal with that soon...


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## parts man (Sep 24, 2003)

We had guys steeling gas here many years back, emptied the .22 at them in the bushes. Between that and taking out a guys knees with a baseball bat who was stealing a battery, no more theft problems! Word gets around.


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## farmallmaniac (Feb 16, 2004)

ouch that bat musta hurt lol


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## John-in-Ga (Sep 22, 2003)

I’m a little late getting around to answering Andy’s suggestion that I find some Georgia peaches to ship to bontai Joe. I think the peach season is about over but I could see if they still have some up in Fort Valley (that is in the center of our peach growing section) but I have a feeling that no matter how good our Georgia peaches are they will not make up for the stolen ones. 

I have a small tree in my yard and the last two years it has made a good crop for it’s location (wife set it out under what is now a large oak tree). As it happens, I caught my peaches being stolen this year. When this thread first started, I was hoping that the burglar would turn out to be same as mine but, alas, as soon as I learned that all the fruit from 10 trees disappeared in one night I knew bontai Joe’s culprit was much different than mine. You see, I caught a squirrel red handed in broad day light leaving with one of my peaches. When I drove up unexpectedly he ran off across the yard with one of my peaches in his mouth. He made it about half way across the yard before he dropped it. He didn’t run much further before he must have decided there was no harm in me so he turned around and picked up the dropped peach and continued on his way. The following evening there were no peaches left. Guess he gathered up some of his buddies to help him finish off my little peach crop. It was no great lose for me as they were a little wormy and we had already gathered all the good ones we wanted.

My little story isn’t much of a comfort to someone who has lost something to real burglars. I know. My home has been burglarized three times. This is not counting the time things have been stolen from my yard. I wish I had an answer as to what to do. Our Law Enforcement folks have much more serious things to investigate so little things like home break-ins kind of gets put aside unless some dumb burglar breaks into enough homes that it almost becomes common knowledge as to who culprit is before an arrest is made, if at all. 

Taking the law into your own hands is something you do not want to do. I know I wanted to kill the person who broke into my house, especially the first time, but after thinking about it; even if I could find him and, even if I could kill him without going to prison myself; I wouldn’t want the killing of another person on my conscience for the rest of my life. So, the only thing I can say to bontai Joe is bear with it as best as you can for now. In a short time you will realize a few peaches, something you thought you valued highly, aren’t worth the time you have spent hating the sorry low life that took them. Take solace in knowing you are a much better person than they are.

If you think, as Andy has suggested, peaches from Georgia will help I’ll certainly see what I can round up.


:cpu:


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## JimK (Jul 19, 2004)

Joe,

If your neighbors "need" a new trench dug across their driveway, let me know . . . :devil: 

I'm a itchin' to find things to do with my new "toy".


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## steventhomas42 (Jul 8, 2004)

Aren't neighbors grand?

I had some doozies when I lived in the city... arguments you could hear from inside their house across the street in MY living room; their scum of the earth "friends" dropping beer bottles in my yard as they went to their cars to drive home drunk; yards that are 12-18" deep in weeds.

Then I moved to the country. The first spring, my neighbor was shooting pigeons because they disturbed HIS neighbor's chicken coop. Pellets were raining down into our yard. This happened while my wife was outside with our then 1-YO daughter and her friend's kid who was about the same age. When she called over, they said "it's just bird shot, it won't hurt them".

Anybody ever seen what a toddler does when something taps her on the head? She looks UP! Bird shot in the eye falling at 9.8 meters per second squared can still put an eye out.

He finally stopped when the sheriff's deputy showed up.

A year later, another neighbor scheduled a dove shoot in his pasture. We knew about it ahead of time and we just kept her inside until it was over.

I have 3.25 acres. Sometimes I wish I had ten times that.


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## bontai Joe (Sep 16, 2003)

Thanks for the offers of peaches, but we grow some great peaches right here in PA, just not famous for them like Georgia. And there are several orchards near by with all kinds of fruit. My apple trees are still not producing much, maybe enough for one pie this year, and heaven help the low life that thinks he is gonna deprive me of my pie.:homereat: :homereat: :homereat: :homereat: 

My mutants have shot off guns at 1:00 in the morning. The cops came and hid behind MY cars in MY driveway to announce on the bull-horn the the bad guys should come out as they were surrounded. The mutants explained it wasn't them, but a mysterious stranger that came up in their back yard and shot off the gun while they were sleeping. The vandalism, and threats against others in the neighborhood are ongoing. We have all called the police multiple times with little results. I continue to call if for no other reason than to establish a pattern and build up the file. Unfortunately, I am not able to walk around 24-7 with a video camera or a pocket tape recorder in my shirt. My hope is that as the youngins get older and incarcerated eventually, the herd will thin out, until it is just Ma and PA and they will go to some retirement place in hillbillyland.


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## guest (Sep 16, 2003)

well joe.. given all the facts... i can only see one way out...


maybe some of our servicemen could get you one of these to borrow for an hour or so...


<img src=http://fortus.hp.infoseek.co.jp/tank/jgsdf1202_lg.JPG>



id bet your neighbors would even chip in on the gas....

:furious: :furious:


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## bontai Joe (Sep 16, 2003)

That is the EXACT piece of equipment I need Thanks SJ!!!


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## Deerehunter (May 28, 2004)

This is what you do Joe. Go to the craft store and buy a few of those fake peaches to tape to the tree. From what you tell me, they ain't smart enough to know how long it takes peaches to come onto a tree. Go up to the shop and ask my cousin if he can set you up with a couple bear traps. After taping the peaches up, set the bear traps around the tree. Also, make sure you set up the motion sensor camera to catch the action as it unfolds. Of course it's not for you to show it to local law officals, it's for the other neighbors to see as those wack jobs flop around on the ground. While all this is taking place, you can sit in the window NANA NANA :furious: :furious: and they are   

PS. Just be glad the local trash hasn't bothered your prize peach, the daughter.


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## bontai Joe (Sep 16, 2003)

Thanks Deerehunter! Does your cousin have bear traps? And dare I ask if they were made in the "shop"?


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## johndeere (Sep 17, 2003)

If those Flat head banjo pickin canoe rowin mutants.Stole all those peaches.Tape toliet paper rolls to one of your trees.Im sure by now it would come in handy.They will just think it is a toilet paper tree.Oh wait maybe you better make that a corn cob tree.


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## bontai Joe (Sep 16, 2003)

johndeere,
You got the flat head part right, but you give them too much credit thinking they could row a canoe or play music. I've suffered through their Karioke performances several times, no talent there at all except for breeding apparently. It seems that car trashing, nose picking, and non-stop screaming curses at each other fills their day. I actually miss the druggies that lived there before. At least they kept to themselves and it was quieter. Dont miss the Rottweilers though, was glad to see them go. When I moved in there was a quiet retired old couple there. A very nice quiet dead end street... that lasted about 4 years, then the druggies for a while and now these creatures for the last 5 plus years. My other neighbors are wonderful quiet law abiding folks with jobs, families, futures, and ambitions. It is a shame how one bad house can ruin the feeling of the whole neighborhood.


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## Live Oak (Dec 22, 2003)

Joe, have you considered buying the place out from under them? Might make a nice income for you and you will control who lives there and what they do. 

johndeere, I don't think banjo pickers fall into this group.


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## bontai Joe (Sep 16, 2003)

"johndeere, I don't think banjo pickers fall into this group. "

Unless they pick at it with their one tooth.


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## CatDaddy (May 30, 2004)

Don't guess there could be an 'unfortunate', 'accidental' fire one afternoon when nobody's at home, could there?:flamedevi :flamedevi :flamedevi 

There would be GREAT rejoicing, I'm sure.
concert artydanc


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## johndeere (Sep 17, 2003)

Oh the wrong flat head family branch.This must be the nose pickin mutants.Yeller Hammer group the ones the tooth brush was named after other wise it would be a teeth brush.


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## parts man (Sep 24, 2003)

> _Originally posted by CatDaddy _
> *Don't guess there could be an 'unfortunate', 'accidental' fire one afternoon when nobody's at home, could there?:flamedevi :flamedevi :flamedevi
> 
> There would be GREAT rejoicing, I'm sure.
> concert artydanc *



Catdaddy, I 'spect after-noon would find them all busily napping, 'cept fer li'l Sissy-Mae, she'd be out-back-a the wood pile with someone elses red-neck mutant neighbor-boy (likely her cousin, Jimmy-Roy  ), makin the next batch of mutants.


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## memmurphy (Sep 18, 2003)

They're probably gone for at least one day a month cashing their checks and blowing a months income on something they don't need.

Mark


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## Greg (Sep 16, 2003)

SJ, 

Joe would find it a bit difficult getting that "machine" for an hour or so! Check it out carefully!

    

Greg


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## guest (Sep 16, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Greg _
> *SJ,
> 
> Joe would find it a bit difficult getting that "machine" for an hour or so! Check it out carefully!
> ...



ok i give up.. what is it isreali or something???


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## bontai Joe (Sep 16, 2003)

> _Originally posted by johndeere _
> *Oh the wrong flat head family branch.This must be the nose pickin mutants.Yeller Hammer group the ones the tooth brush was named after other wise it would be a teeth brush. *


You HAVE MET them! That's the bunch or hoard or tribe, what ever the proper term is for 3 or more.


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## Live Oak (Dec 22, 2003)

Any more action on the fruit thieves? At least they could come and help you rake leaves and clean up for the Fall.


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## bontai Joe (Sep 16, 2003)

Nothing much happening lately. In fact it has been peacefully quiet the last couple of days. Now I'm worried what they might be planning with their 11 active brain cells


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## Live Oak (Dec 22, 2003)

Maybe you can blow all of your leaves over into their yard. Or how about a 3 am Round Up lawn treatment for the winter???? :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:


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## Deerehunter (May 28, 2004)

Good one Chief :lmao:


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## guest2 (Dec 27, 2003)

Just be prepared! If they're such a$$holes w/o being provoked, what do suppose they'll do if they figure you're the roundup guy?


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## CatDaddy (May 30, 2004)

> _Originally posted by Chief _
> *Maybe you can blow all of your leaves over into their yard. Or how about a 3 am Round Up lawn treatment for the winter???? :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: *


You could use the RoundUp to leave them an anonymous message. "Losers, A$$holes, Thieves, etc." Just make sure to use a pressure sprayer for a quick hit & out. LOL!


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## catmando (Dec 18, 2004)

*Unsavory Neighbors*

My brother told me about an unsavory neighbor moved in near him. Soon word got out that there was a peeping tom in the neighborhood. One of those where everyone suspects, but no proof.

One night my brother just happened to look out the front window when heading toward bed. Bro sneaked a peek out rear bedroom window, and saw nose prints. Bro and son went outside to confront the peeper.

Long and short is that they caught him, beat him, tied him up, called the sheriff, and convinced the guy that his neck was going to get a little longer.

The sheriff said that he was suprised to see how good a shape the guy was still in. When he got out of jail he went elsewhere.

Two options that come to mind is to catch them and give them a really good blanket party. Or do like the Bible says and pray for them - - a lot!

Can't do much else or it will be entrapment. Like a shot gun with a string tied to the trigger. But you might be able to get a motion detector for a yard light, and hook it to an alarm in the house.


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## guest (Sep 16, 2003)

OMG when i saw this thread re-open i thought.. isnt it too early for peaches..
actually thats a great idea catmando..
you could get some sort of motion activated light.. it would not even need to be a permanent setup as you only need it for a few weeks.. 
if the nosy neighbors inquired.. you could always say 'Some animal (knowing they are the animals) is eating the peaches.. i want to try to stop them... whether the motion sensor went to a light or an audible beeper in your house to let you know something set it off..

they sell those type of things at smart home.com and all over the net.. basically a motion detector that transmits a signal and sets off a sound unit.. i have one for a sort of burglar alarm but it could work well for leachy peach stealing neighbors.


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## guest2 (Dec 27, 2003)

sj

Next morning the peaches will be missing and the mutants will have a new light!


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