# MEMO TO THE FAMILY DOG or CAT....



## Archdean (Jul 15, 2004)

MEMO TO THE FAMILY DOG or CAT.... 

Dear Dog and/or Cat, 

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. 

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.) 

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. 

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.) 

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.) 

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. 



To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door..... 

Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets: 

1. They live here; you don't. 
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 
3. I like my pet better than I like most people. 
4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged. 

Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.


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## bontai Joe (Sep 16, 2003)

:thumbsup:


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## guest (Sep 16, 2003)

well put dean.. my dog weighs only 50 lbs.. but theres just not enough room on the bed once she climbs up there.. she sleep sprawled across the bed and im the one who ends up curled in a ball!!!


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## parts man (Sep 24, 2003)

I can easily see the truth in that post!! I've got a 14 YO cat (he'll be 15 in march) that my wife and I picked up when we got home from our honey-moon. He's still pretty active and hunts a little bit, but he was deadly when he was younger! He's caught various birds including at least 1 humming bird! Numerous squirrels, mice etc. The most memorable catch was when he released the live sparrow in the house! Mrs P. came to teh shop in a panic telling me about the most recent catch, when I stopped laughing enough that I could see through the tears I went over to the house to see Puff eating his completely de-feathered bird on the kitchen floor.:lmao: I guess he figured that's where the rest of the folks ate! (The kitchen,, not the floor. )


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## aegt5000 (Feb 22, 2004)

My long standing dog rules. :dog: 

1)..Anything under 40 lbs is a Pet.
2)..Dogs start at 40 lbs.
3)..Mandatory commands: No, Come, Sit, Down, Stay, Move, Inside, Outside.
(Anything else is fluff, but you need to have the Big-8 down cold.)
4)..You can’t love your dog too much.


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## CatDaddy (May 30, 2004)

> _Originally posted by aegt5000 _
> *My long standing dog rules. :dog:
> 
> 1)..Anything under 40 lbs is a Pet.
> ...


I'd add 'Go', 'Back', 'Left' & 'Right' to the list of commands.

My girls definitely don't fall into your Pet category: Lovey (1/2 Lab - 1/2 Golden) is ~95 lbs & Kona (Great Pyrenees) is ~110 lbs. 
If they get the bed, we can forget it! LOL!


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## ducati996 (Dec 27, 2003)

With combined weight of 295 lbs ( mastiff and lab) I guess they meet the weight requirement's....Their Diet ? tender strips of obnoxious republican hide tenderized first by their masters hands :furious: :furious: 

(lab next picture)


Ducati

<img src=http://www.tractorforum.com/forums/attachment.php?s=&postid=64008> 

210 lbs (and growing) big mush but hates RED STATES oh I mean RED MEAT


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## ducati996 (Dec 27, 2003)

And the 85 lb Lab who likes everybody (including Red necks and obnoxious Republicans) :furious: :furious: 

Grand total 295 lbs of summo wrestlers

Ducati

<img src=http://www.tractorforum.com/forums/attachment.php?s=&postid=64009>


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## Archdean (Jul 15, 2004)

And you guys think you have problems!!


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## Archdean (Jul 15, 2004)

Hey Duc,
Feed those scrawny dogs a fat Liberal now and then (mine love em their so soft and tender!!)


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## Archdean (Jul 15, 2004)

OK my Dogs resting after a hard day of battling on the Tractor Forum!!

Please no snide comments about the good looking peaceful fellow in the center!

<img src=http://www.greencis.net/~custer/img24.jpg>


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## ducati996 (Dec 27, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Archdean _
> *Hey Duc,
> Feed those scrawny dogs a fat Liberal now and then (mine love em their so soft and tender!!)   *


Just one problem I dont know of any fat people ( or Liberals) that I'm friendly with and I think you got me confused as being a fat liberal...
I'm a prime physical specimen and my favorite color is magenta :furious: :furious: 

Besides they like their Right wingers just like veal.....:furious:

Ducati


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## ducati996 (Dec 27, 2003)

I thought you never slept but hung upside down?? :furious: :furious: :furious: :furious: 

Do they help with the google searches? :furious: :furious: 

all kidding aside cute dog's !! 

Ducati


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## Archdean (Jul 15, 2004)

Thanks Duc,
If I could stop laughing I might get through this post, Your dogs are great too!

If you start a thread just on Pet photos I'll get some new ones , it would be great to see all of the TF'ers Pets!

I'm considering that hanging upside down Idea!!
<img src=http://greencis.net/~custer/nuke.gif>


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